I feel lately as though I'm going through a long, drawn-out epiphany. Nothing I think is usual or what others would align themselves with. As I grow up and learn more about society and the world, the less I like the idea of it and the more I want to become different and reject what has become known as "proper" or "normal." For such a fanciful and childish person, my thoughts and opinions are arranging themselves to be more practical and less superfluous.
And so, some of those thoughts:
On Marriage: I don't want to have a big traditional wedding. It's impractical. I'm pretty sure the bride and groom at most weddings don't even know a great amount of their guests. Why would I want people I don't know to come to my wedding? And why are flowers and ushers and dinner and favors all such a big deal? Will people really be all that upset if the flowers aren't all the same color? Do the forks really have to be on THAT side of the plate as opposed to the other? (I say "THAT" because really, I don't know which side they should be on.) What is the real function of bridesmaids and groomsmen? Are they all that necessary? Just because two people are marrying? I don't think so. A marriage is something to celebrate, yes, but all the expense just so other people will enjoy something which I think is rather private is ridiculous. I want a small wedding or maybe I'll just elope. (Don't laugh at me now when I get married and my fiance rejects it all, haha.)
I do like the little traditional things, as I'm kind of superstitious: the "carrying over the threshold" and the colors assigned specifically to the bride and groom, and simple things like that. And rice. Throwing rice just sounds fun, and it couldn't be all that expensive. XD
On Children: I don't know if having a kid in a hospital room is really what I want to do. For one thing, I REALLY don't want a bunch of family over watching me immodestly push a baby out of my body. That's gross. I don't want people to see me in pain, and I just don't like being fussed over in general. I also don't want doctors telling me what to do. You know, you have to have a needle in your arm when you're in labor, and that just sounds unappealing to me. I guess it could help, but.... how long does it take to stick a needle in, really, if it's needed? They could keep it close by, but if I don't NEED to be stuck I'd really rather not. (I may change my mind about this. I don't want anything to go wrong when I have children, after all.)
On Clothing: I have recently decided that nakedness is not a bad thing. It does not really bother me. Now, if someone flashes me out of nowhere I'm going to be rather shocked but only because I don't expect it, as society is generally clothed. Besides which, if they do that they probably have bad intentions, because most people frown upon nakedness and would not be casual about it. We are all born naked. We would not BE born naked if nakedness were a bad thing. God made Adam and Eve naked, and they screwed it up by eating bad food and deciding to wear clothes. Shouldn't Christians try to live as much like God as possible? And as the closest thing to God, as they had not sinned yet and were naked, I would think that we wouldn't be so horrified by the bare human body. (THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO SEND ME PICTURES OF YOURSELF NOR OF OTHERS. I am simply trying to make a point here, just because being naked is natural doesn't mean I actually want to see you.)
I find a lot of opinions on clothing fairly ridiculous too. If someone wants to wear something unflattering, it doesn't really matter, does it? I don't particularly understand why some people love fashion so much. It's rather unappealing to me, personally.
On Gifts: I like them but people can't really expect me to know what I want. I don't want much of anything, really. I want good food, paper + writing/drawing instruments, and sleep. If I'm warm and fed I'm pretty much happy. Gifts are nice but I don't desire much of anything and feel pretty bad that I've caused someone to spend money on me. Even though that probably means they actually care, which is good. For all my attempts to be practical, I sure don't express that well, huh....? Too many guilt trips over stupid little things.
On Angst: For some reason all teenagers think the world is out to get them and the sky is falling down upon them, and perhaps raining forks in the meantime. But if we think about it, we are really just a tiny, tiny, tiny piece of a great big whole. Aren't there 7.6 billion people on earth, and growing? We are only 1/7.6 billionth of the world. Not a great big deal. Life will always go on, no matter what happens (unless we die, but then the world won't stop, either. Not that death is good.). Breakups, bad grades, bullying, and anything else under the sun that starts with the letter "B," we can get past it all. We just have to pick ourselves up and move on! Being upset about things is fine, but we teenagers are very hormonal and let it take us to another level of angstiness, which most of the time is fairly worse than it should be. We strive for independence, but we can't even handle our own feelings yet. As much as we think we can handle things, maybe we can't. So we need to learn to stop whining and be responsible and realize that life really isn't all that bad.
For now that's really about all I've got. I've decided to renounce my title as a "teenager," just as Bindy Mackenzie did, and just be a person. Teenagers have too many stereotypes attatched to them. And, while stereotypes don't particularly bother me, I don't think I fit it well enough for the word to apply anymore. I am now simply a person who is the age of a typical teenager.
I reject society. I talk to my mom about how I don't like how something is done, and she says "we can't do anything to change it." Well, why the heck not?! Why have a democracy if it's not going to let the people control anything? Why are we alive if nothing can vary or change? Can we really be so passive about the things that we know are wrong? Protests don't do much of anything, do they? I went to one of the Tea Parties, and it's not like there was much effect. There was one news camera there. One. Large gatherings normally get more than that.
I suppose my point is that.... we all try to blend in with society. "This is how society acts, so we can't really do anything else. It's just natural." That's how we've been conditioned to think. But I don't want to do what society wants me to do. I want to do what's right, regardless. People think it's futile, often, and leave things as they are, ignoring them and complaining and doing NOTHING ABOUT IT. Nothing will ever change if you never do anything to make it happen. We blend in with society because we think we should, because we want to be accepted, but why want to be accepted if accepted means you're not acting the way you think you should?
My mom says if I think things like this, I'm the only one who will be hurt in the end. She's fairly supportive of me generally, but she says I can't renounce being a teenager, and I can't just reject society. But I don't care about the acceptance. I have people I love and care about, and they seem to accept me well enough, but even if they didn't, I would still be me, no? I'm not going to follow something that would only mean I was lying to myself and others. If I get hurt, I'm bringing it on myself, and so I won't be allowed to complain. That wouldn't be fair. I'm not going to be normal just because I "should be," and I'm not going to follow the status quo just to protect my feelings. I don't know most of the 7.6 billion people on earth, anyway. Their unacceptance will not affect me.
I have begun to ramble, and I'm not quite sure what the topic is anymore. But I never really let this out except to my mom, and in little bursts to my friends at lunch, but they all think I'm crazy so here it is again, written down to use against me when I'm old and less opinionated.
Chatboard (47)